One of the things that goes wrong over time is your hearing.

“What?” you say. I repeat myself.

“What?!” You say, again. I repeat myself.

“What!?” again. You’re really cranky this time, and who’s to blame you.

But alas, sir, have used up your turn. I nod cordially and walk away.  This conversation is over.

I give a subtle signal to an aide, and you are gently ushered out of the  party and seated on a chair on the lawn. Your people can fetch you on the way out.

And it gets worse.  Soon, you will lose your mind altogether. People who can’t hear, get cut off from their fellow man and quickly go absolutely crazy. Saddest thing in the world.

What to do?

Get hearing aids, you old fool. Or they’ll put you in that chair.

I have to confess that hearing aids only make things about 50% better but that’s usually enough.  I wear them religiously and only say “What” once or twice a paragraph.

And I am also meticulous about hearing aid maintenance. For example, the other day my hearing aids just weren’t working right. I quickly made a date with a new ear doc in Great Barrington. Good idea.

Hilly and I were almost there when it occurred to me that I had  recently lost one of those little plastic bell-things on the hearing aid that goes into your ear (see pic). “You don’t suppose…” I said to myself as we motored along. I did suppose.

So I asked Hilly to pull over and take a peek in my ear. Sure enough, there  it was, stuck off to one side. Hilary kindly took it out. Much better.

We went on to the ear doc anyway.  Apologize and whatnot. He couldn’t have been kinder. Peeked into my ear, just for fun. Pulled out a second plastic bell that had been there since the turn of the century. My hearing seemed utterly clear for the first time. I was so grateful.

As we were leaving the doc said, “The record is four.”

What?

“Four of those little bell things stuck in one ear. That’s the record.”

“What?!”

“Come back anytime.”

“I will.”