Not nuts about yoga, in the normal course. But urgently need workout in Paris… follow snappy wife, her French girl-friend and my aged son Tim  (57) to elegant-looking spa in Paris for first-ever shot at Bikram Yoga.  NINETY MINUTES OF IT! …. YOWIE!

Good news: other participants mostly stunning, young   women. Say, fifty years younger than self, on average.  And for some reason they all seem to be wearing bikinis. Bad news: soon room is well over 100 degrees centigrade, and up to our ankles in sweat…yoga pads being washed away in the flood, towels stuck in drains. Bikinis not display items here, they are uniforms. Anything more will drag you down. It is hot in here. It is very, very  hot.

Bikram is much like other yoga but a bit more structured.  And intense. And a little warmer, of course.  Lessons advertised as being in English and for once this is true. Charming, wiry, young  blonde woman (22?…what is that in metric years?) is from Yorkshire, where she did not learn humility.  Absolutely filled with energy and charm. Also stern advice. Does not admire cowards.

Great news: Tim and I (both the oldest in the room) do amazingly well. At least, when compared with our own expectations. Frequently stand on one leg for extended periods, for example. But refrain from wrapping leg around ears and picking nose with foot. Seems unwholesome. Besides, my lifted leg reaches only to my thigh. Pity. Nose itches. Tim does slightly better… SLIGHTLY. Our faces funny color. ZERO sexual undertone in here, by the way…men and women together in saucy costumes, but no one notices. Except one, astonishing beauty right in front of Tim and me, with endlessly sinuous everything. You’d ogle her in Hell.

Several times feel a little goofy, during vigorous extended moves, because of remarkable heat. Were warned at outset that may feel faint in hard parts… urged to stop. Not quite faint in my case but do pause a few times. Get oddly dreamy… think of mother… first dog… others. This is TOUGH.

As advertised, time flies. Some scary parts but mostly interesting. Girl in front absolutely fascinates and stuns Tim and me, all the way through.  Just keeping a respectful eye on her takes up much time.

Slightly pooped at end. Go  to bar for gallons of water…a kir  to restore body’s natural  booze balance. Finally home. Take short rest. Wake up at 8;15 AT NIGHT. Snoozed for four hours! This was a little tougher than I thought. I’m impressed, but I really liked it, too. Super intense workout… you’d want to be in shape to try it, I’d imagine., but not that bad.  Last night, after pleasant supper in great Italian place (restoring body’s natural pasta balance), to bed at 11. And slept again for NINE HOURS!  This Bikram is serious business.

Next day – after long, long snooze – feel no pain from all twists and turns. Quite the contrary, feel great. Still do not look exactly like the l girl with the extendo-toes and such, but hey….

By the way, not all kid-instructors know difference between their body and yours (which is VAST). So set your own pace… don’t do lifts for which you were not designed. Not recently, anyhow.  Chris